Have you shared your end-of-life wishes with those you love? While these can be difficult conversations to have, it’s important to have them on your own terms. Here are some ways you may want to approach having “the talk” with your loved ones.
Step 1: Do your research first.
- Come prepared with information on BC’s cemetery, cremation and funeral services laws – don’t make assumptions.
- Gather examples of instances when pre-planning went well, and the positive impact it had on friends and family. You can use these later to start the conversation.
Step 2: Set a time to talk.
- If possible, arrange to meet your loved one(s) in-person, as opposed to over the phone or through email.
- Choose a location that’s free from distractions and comfortable, such as at home.
- If you’re nervous about bringing up the topic and setting a time, consider mentioning that you read something that prompted you to have this conversation.
Step 3: Have the conversation.
- Reiterate that you want to ensure your loved one’s wishes are honoured and fulfilled. This conversation is as much for their peace of mind as it is for your own.
- Keep the talk relaxed and natural. Ask open-ended questions to encourage dialogue, such as “How do you feel…” and “Tell me about…” Here are some possible questions:
- Do you have an up-to-date will?
- Have you already made any pre-need arrangements?
- Where is a copy of your will and pre-need arrangements?
- Who has power of attorney?
- What are your thoughts on memorialization, such as funerals and celebrations of life?
- Do you have a preference for cremation or burial?
- Reflecting on end-of-life wishes may take time. If necessary, plan a follow-up meeting after your family member has had time to think about what they really want.
Step 4: Follow-up.
- Involve other family members with the details of your conversation, so everyone is up-to-date.
- Follow up with any necessary paperwork, such as making or changing a will, or entering into a preneed cemetery or funeral services contract.
Now are you ready to have “the talk”? Here are some things to know about funeral services in general.
Making a will is important!
Having a will helps in many ways, including choosing who will care for your minor children, providing direction on funeral and burial preparations and dividing your assets amongst people and organizations. For more information, take a look at our blog post Writing your will.
By law, there’s a system in place as to who gets control of your remains after death.
In BC, there is a chain of command that outlines who gets “rights of disposition.” For example, first rights go to the person you named in your will, second to your spouse. Section 5 of the Cremation, Interment and Funeral Services Act lists the order of priority in determining who can make decisions regarding final arrangements.
Check cemetery bylaws for marker requirements.
As long as your marker complies with the cemetery’s bylaws, a cemetery may not refuse to install a memorial (even if it was purchased elsewhere). Contact the operator of the cemetery to find out the bylaws.
Prices can vary.
Pricing for funeral services is not regulated and can vary. Funeral providers are required to display a current price list of all the services and products they offer – just ask!
You can decide where you want your ashes spread.
Did you know that if you state in your will that you’d like your ashes spread in a certain location, that wish must be honoured (as long as the request is not unreasonable)? Find out more about the requirements around spreading ashes in the blog post Grandpa’s wishes.
For more information, visit the funeral services section of our website.
Did you like this post? You might like these posts too!
Pre-paying for your end-of-life arrangements…what’s right for you?
Can I be buried on the family farm?
What can be done with my ashes when I die?
After-death care: who gets to decide?
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Note: This content was originally written in 2015 and updated in 2024.
Regarding point #4: Not all cemeteries are owned or operated by a municipality. Private, corporate, or religious cemeteries create their own bylaws that have nothing to do with the municipality in which they are located.
Consumers should check the ByLaws/Rules of the specific cemetery – not the municipality.
Thanks for catching that, Glen! Accordingly, I’ve changed contact the “municipality” to contact the “operator” in our blog post. Cheers, Melaina
EVERYONE in BC should read this, it is so IMPORTANT, I cannot stress that enough. You have no idea the families that I have dealt with that have no clue what the decedent wants or how to do it. This creates more stress at a very stressful time.